Hitting Restart


(me, a couple of months ago)



I hesitate to write a post like this. Putting things like this out there creates a whole new sense of awareness that I’m never sure I want. I’m living it regardless, but now everyone else knows I’m living it. I have committed to it in a whole new way. But this morning I woke up and decided to write about it instead of drinking coffee.

I know…
I have struggled with the idea of fitting regular exercise into my life, really my whole life. I really don’t like it or enjoy it and convinced myself I could slip through life being a “non-exerciser”. Getting my diet on track has been an issue too. Although I don’t eat terribly, I really impose no limits on myself. Doing what I do each day requires a lot of time at a desk in front of a computer screen, sedentary. Working at creative projects in my studio, while fulfilling in so many ways, does not require aerobic activity either. Sure, there may be the occasionaly running up and down the stairs to the basement when a project is getting exciting, but other than that… Often it is quite the opposite. I work at home, I snack whenever I want to. Wine every evening. I knew this was not good, but I always justified it somehow. I am working and active, right? I am not sitting each day, doing nothing. I am productive.
But in the back of my mind, I knew this all needed to change drastically if I were to live a long, healthy life.
Subtle changes are hard for me. I detest change of any kind. Yet I realize that its been major moments of change in my life, mostly the uncomfortable ones, that have resulted in huge growth for me. This applies to all areas. In 1996, I cried every single day for a month after we moved from North Carolina to Seattle. I hated it. Now, when I think of the person I am, the life I am living, I realize why things happened the way they did.
Back several weeks ago, I began working with a fitness and life coach and trying on some new thought patterns about caring for myself. That work is ongoing for me, but its slowly taking effect and it feels pretty good to make my own health a priority. Then, after talking with a friend, I decided to try the 21 day detox as outlined in the book Clean by Dr. Alejandro Junger. Without going into a ton of detail, this is a major, healing reset for anyone, which requires a whole new way of thinking and living without things like sugar, caffeine, etc. A nutrient-filled, organic diet that consists of liquid meals for breakfast and dinner, with a midday meal that falls within certain requirements. I decided that I could do it for 21 days, or at least try. This sort of short-term project has its appeal to me. Its like a book deadline in some ways. A beginning and (hopefully) happy ending.
I started a week ago, with great reluctance but a lot of determination. I gave up caffeine completely that day. (Me. No caffeine, I know.) I also gave up processed food, flour of any kinds, sugar… The first few days I felt foggy and weird, a little headachy. I slept alot. Why am I doing this again? Peter would ask me questions about my new diet, shake his head, and say “life’s too short“. I was starting to agree. Miraculously though, by day 4 or so, things began evening out greatly.
This morning, day 7, I woke up completely alert and feeling good (its 5:30 am). Although I had some things on my mind last night that prevented a good night’s sleep, this morning I do not feel as if I had been hit by a truck as I often do after nights like that.
But that’s not all. During this period I am exercising daily, as its part of the detox process. I am exploring different types, and trying to figure out what appeals to me most. Realizing that some days its Just Dance on the wii with the family. Other days its doing something physical outside.
I feel pretty damn good, and its hard to put into words. The combination of the coaching and this detoxing period seem to be accomplishing important things in my mind about how I want to live and feel.
I realize that 7 days isn’t long, however its long for someone who only a week ago was living the opposite of the life daily she’s living right now. Realizing today that I’m a 3rd of the way in, I’m going to keep on going. I hope I can make it through the entire detox. I write about this here only because others seem interested and I thought it may be helpful. I promise not to fill blog posts about how detoxified I feel. And not to say the word “cleanse” too often.

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